ISSUE NO 4
How to deal with challenging situations and feel different about it.
The way we understand the meaning of situations is by setting frames. The frames you use determine the questions you ask about the situation, how you feel about it how you react to it and how you deal with it.
To re-frame in NLP means to change the meaning of something by seeing it from a different perspective or in a different frame. Sometimes we experience situations beyond our control. It affects us significantly, but there is not a thing we can do about the actual circumstance.
It is, however, in your power that you can choose how you look at and respond to a situation, instead of just reacting. The meaning of any event depends on the frame in which we perceive it.
Ref-raming disturbs your mindset and opens up new, creative neural networks which give you more choice about how you feel and what you can do.
Write down the situation that is bothering you and causes you distress. Then answer the questions as listed above.
This example is taken from NLP in 21 days by Harry Alder and Beryl Heather, which I recommend.
A colleague at work has a habit of running you down in front of others and not appreciating the effort you make. His abruptness and attitude upset you.
Questions to re-frame the situation
He has a painful medical condition
He gets similar treatment from his boss.
He has earmarked you for a special promotion and needs to test you for the sort of harsh management environment you will have to face.
He does not know how his behavior affects you.
Others feel he treats them in the same way.
He suffered terrible abuse as a child
His wife and children adore him.
Imagine he has left you a fortune in his will.
Imagine him with a long white beard. • Imagine he loves you but has difficulty showing it.
Now bring yourself into the equation
What if I was not so sensitive?
What if we swapped jobs?
What if I thanked him for each observation?
What if I bought him a nice pen?
What if I won the lottery?
How does this person affect my essential goals?
There are many types of frames in NLP, for example:
In a meeting situation
Listen when it suits you.
Exercises you can do in
your own time.
Live Q&A and discussions.
Log on when you are ready.
QUOTES AND HUMOR
Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
What we are today comes from your thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life tomorrow. Our life is the creation of our mind. Buddha
All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and
not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms
of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence. Eckhart Tolle
Imagine living out of the irresistible impulse that takes you exactly where you want to be in life! Stop and ask yourself: What is the dominant impulse that drives you to do the things you do? Where are your actions taking you? Is this what you really want for yourself?
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Gestalt therapy is a client-centred approach to psychotherapy that helps clients focus on the present and understand what is happening in their lives right now.
Through the gestalt process, clients learn to become more aware of how their negative thought patterns and behaviours are blocking true self-awareness and making them unhappy.